Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Butch or Femme?

One of the landmines of lesbianism is the Butch-Femme phenomenon. I was lucky enough to get a crash course in it as soon as I came out so I’ve been able to hold my own whenever the subject came up.

Calling someone Butch or Femme is considered to be very politically incorrect by a lot of lesbians and even more are offended by the word Dyke. Dyke is used as a slur - thrown vindictively at masculine looking women all the time, even now. They are “labels,” which especially offend the academic types. But there’s a whole faction of people who enjoy the terms. These people embrace all 3 words and feel that they define who they are when they are telling the truth about their lives.

Here are some of the more commonly used terms you’ll encounter, along with my own befuddled definitions:

lipstick lesbian – someone who doesn’t look like a lesbian, such as most of the L-word cast
soft butch – doesn’t always wear masculine clothes but is not feminine either
bull dyke – older, hard core, extremely masculine looking and acting
baby dyke – young, boyish-looking woman.
high maintenance femme – long nails, long hair, very feminine apparel, high heels, makeup
granola lesbian – androgynous looking, academic type, probably eco conscious
daddy – older dyke, controlling, likes to be called Sir
old school butch – chivalrous, traditional, very into role playing
pillow princess – someone who lies there during sex doing all the taking, none of the giving
late bloomer - someone who comes out later in life

Then there are a a whole lot of sexual sub categories, most of which are self explanatory, such as Tops, Bottoms and Stone. Don’t be fooled by appearances – there are femme tops and butch pillow princesses and all possible variations in between. For example, Stone Butches are women who don’t want their female parts touched during sex. But there are also Stone Femmes, although I’m not exactly sure what THAT’S about. For further explanation, check out the butch-femme.com website. Be forewarned though, if you decide to check out their personal ads a lot of women on it are rather … how can I put it … extreme. Don’t let that put you off though, I’ve happily dated people from that site.

Whenever you see a lesbian couple, you can bet that everyone in their lives are interested in two things – who is the boy and what do they do in bed. Even fellow lesbians wonder about these things, not just hetero people. My ex-partner and I had many fun discussions, trying to guess what our friends were all about.

Speaking of my ex, Sam had a lot of confusion about all of this. She was born and raised in Cambridge Massachusetts – home of Harvard and probably more PhD’s per capita than anywhere else. These highly educated sorts did not approve of labels or role playing so Sam came out of there quite confused about everything. She was the butchest thing I’d ever seen but was still wearing nylons and high heels to family events because her Mom and sisters kept saying those magical words she'd heard all her life ... “But you’re a girl.”

I moved her out west and then took her to a Butch Femme Convention in Las Vegas. She was shocked to see everyone so comfortable in their extremes and found that she really enjoyed being referred to as “guy” or “man” by the other butches. Watching Sam become comfortable in her own skin was one of the highlights of my life.

Another note – the way that people ID ( self identify) is what it’s all about in the queer world and that can have absolutely nothing to do with their appearance. The best way to proceed is to address someone as the gender in which they are presenting themselves. As you get to know them, they’ll straighten you out about how they see themselves. Believe what they tell you.

In my opinion, the sexual energy in lesbianism lies in the butch-femme synergy – the ying/yang of the Butch-Femme dynamic. The entire two years I lived in Boston, the only time I saw the butch/femme crowd out in public was at an Evening Of Erotica lesbian fundraiser. Didn’t surprise me a bit. I am a femme and the times I’ve made a conscious effort to date more feminine women, lesbian bed death would set in almost immediately. If you are looking for companionship - that’s fine, but if you want some serious action - go for the extremes.

One of my favorite things about dating butches is how vulnerable and open these amazing women will let themselves become with a beloved femme. They live hard lives – being ridiculed at every turn - at home, at work or just walking down the street. To find themselves being adored and appreciated when they present their true selves, is what makes them open up like a flower. There’s a swagger to a butch walk, a courtliness to all femmes they encounter – these are things that just make me swoon.

As a femme who dates extremely masculine women, I’ve endured my share of ridicule. Just last week I was trying to explain to someone I’d met online why I preferred dykish women. Finally I gave up and said “I don’t know why I do, I just do. Always have, always will.”

28 comments:

letsdance said...

Hi Latebloomer, I am a late bloomer too. Fell in love with my friend of four years when I was 49. We thought we were lipstick lesbians. Our relationship lasted five years.

I'm now single and ready for LOVE. And I feel a powerful attraction to soft butches. Lordy, lordy, hope I meet her!

Virtually 21 said...

is the granola lesbian real? you'll have to spot one out for me to give me a visual!

Anonymous said...

Amazing as always

Anonymous said...

Amateure Girls

amateurs sex

Dildo Amateur Sex

Anonymous said...

Today is my lucky day :)
Apple is giving review copies of iPad to 100 lucky person. Go to http://bit.ly/cmmVr7 and apply for it.

anastacia said...

thanks for the information on this blog! I find it very interesting and entertaining! hopefully soon have updates that I love your post! I thank you too!
buy viagra
viagra online
generic viagra

Anonymous said...

http://site.ru - [url=http://site.ru]site[/url] site
site

Anonymous said...

Hey! I'm at work surfing around your blog from my new iphone 4! Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts! Keep up the outstanding work!

Also visit my website - http://ipadrepairmelaka.yolasite.com/

Anonymous said...

I needeԁ to thank you for this veгy good геad!
! I absolutely enϳοyеd everу little bit of it.
I've got you book marked to look at new stuff you post…

Feel free to surf to my web site ... Http://iphonerepairkl.com.my/ipad-repair/

Anonymous said...

I tend not to drop many cоmments, howeνer
I looκed thгough a few comments here "Butch or Femme?".
I ԁо have a couple of questions fοr you if іt's okay. Is it only me or do some of these comments look like they are written by brain dead people? :-P And, if you are writing at other online sites, I would like to follow everything fresh you have to post. Would you make a list of every one of your shared sites like your linkedin profile, Facebook page or twitter feed?

Also visit my site - ipad repair kl

Anna Hayward said...

Well I don't seem to fit in any category. I'm a late bloomer in that I came out late, as did my partner. I occasionally wear lipstick and even a dress, but I'm not really feminine. I worked in a very male dominated industry and now write science. My partner is definitely femme. It all seems too much like trying to put myself in a box and I did that for too long already.

Anonymous said...

louis vuitton outlet stores, christian louboutin, tory burch outlet, louboutin, gucci outlet, true religion jeans, louis vuitton outlet, nike shoes, air max, tiffany and co, louis vuitton outlet, ray ban sunglasses, air max, nike free, coach purses, prada outlet, tiffany and co, prada handbags, oakley sunglasses, jordan shoes, coach factory outlet, longchamp outlet, oakley sunglasses cheap, ray ban sunglasses, michael kors outlet, kate spade handbags, michael kors outlet, louis vuitton handbags, chanel handbags, longchamp handbags, burberry outlet, kate spade outlet, burberry outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, polo ralph lauren, michael kors outlet, louboutin outlet, true religion jeans, oakley sunglasses, louboutin shoes, coach outlet store online, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, longchamp handbags, coach outlet, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet

Anonymous said...

true religion outlet, michael kors pas cher, lululemon, ray ban sunglasses, vans pas cher, sac hermes, nike roshe run, abercrombie and fitch, mulberry, michael kors, louis vuitton, nike trainers, nike blazer, louboutin, converse pas cher, hogan outlet, sac louis vuitton, air max, sac burberry, nike tn, hollister, air jordan, air force, barbour, michael kors, polo lacoste, timberland, sac longchamp, air max, louis vuitton uk, nike free, nike free pas cher, air max pas cher, sac louis vuitton, polo ralph lauren, nike air max, true religion outlet, oakley pas cher, hollister, vanessa bruno, longchamp, ray ban pas cher, ralph lauren, north face, new balance pas cher, nike roshe, sac guess, north face

Anonymous said...

jimmy choo outlet, asics running shoes, mac cosmetics, ugg, abercrombie and fitch, bottega veneta, mcm handbags, nike huarache, herve leger, ugg boots, north face jackets, ugg pas cher, birkin bag, chi flat iron, canada goose, north face outlet, giuseppe zanotti, celine handbags, new balance shoes, longchamp, marc jacobs, rolex watches, ugg boots, beats by dre, insanity workout, mont blanc, instyler, valentino shoes, canada goose jackets, canada goose outlet, soccer jerseys, nike roshe run, uggs outlet, ghd, hollister, soccer shoes, canada goose, vans shoes, wedding dresses, uggs outlet, ugg australia, ferragamo shoes, lululemon outlet, ugg boots, p90x, reebok outlet, babyliss pro, nfl jerseys

Anonymous said...

baseball bats, converse, pandora jewelry, timberland boots, karen millen, parajumpers, converse shoes, gucci, pandora charms, air max, ralph lauren, rolex watches, air max, iphone 6 cases, juicy couture outlet, thomas sabo, moncler, hollister, louboutin, supra shoes, pandora charms, toms shoes, moncler, hollister, ugg, ugg, swarovski, montre homme, coach outlet store online, oakley, canada goose, links of london, vans, moncler, lancel, canada goose, ray ban, swarovski crystal, hollister clothing store, moncler, moncler outlet, canada goose, moncler, louis vuitton, canada goose uk, moncler, wedding dresses, juicy couture outlet

Handbags Louisvuitton said...

oakley sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, oakley sunglasses cheap, ray ban sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, polo ralph lauren, polo ralph lauren outlet, burberry outlet, burberry outlet, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet online sale, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, christian louboutin, louboutin outlet, louboutin, louboutin shoes, tory burch outlet, gucci outlet, prada handbags, prada outlet, longchamp outlet, longchamp handbags, longchamp handbags, jordan shoes, nike shoes, tiffany and co, tiffany and co, air max, air max, nike free, chanel handbags, kate spade outlet, kate spade handbags, louis vuitton outlet, louis vuitton outlet, louis vuitton, louis vuitton outlet stores

Handbags Louisvuitton said...

louis vuitton handbags, coach outlet, coach factory outlet, coach outlet store online, coach purses, true religion jeans, true religion jeans, true religion outlet, true religion outlet, air max, air max pas cher, air jordan, nike free pas cher, nike roshe run, sac longchamp, longchamp, polo ralph lauren, sac louis vuitton, sac louis vuitton, louboutin, michael kors pas cher, sac burberry, oakley pas cher, ray ban pas cher, hollister, sac hermes, vans pas cher, timberland, new balance pas cher, converse pas cher, north face, nike tn, polo lacoste, nike blazer, air force, sac guess, vanessa bruno, louis vuitton, hogan outlet, ray ban sunglasses

Handbags Louisvuitton said...

michael kors, michael kors, lululemon outlet online, louis vuitton uk, hollister, north face, mulberry, ralph lauren, nike air max, air max, nike free, abercrombie and fitch, barbour, nike roshe, nike trainers, nike huarache, longchamp, hollister, vans shoes, nike roshe run, mac cosmetics, abercrombie and fitch, birkin bag, north face outlet, north face jackets, new balance shoes, reebok outlet, lululemon outlet, nfl jerseys, rolex watches, wedding dresses, beats by dre, mont blanc, ferragamo shoes, giuseppe zanotti, instyler, babyliss pro, mcm handbags

Handbags Louisvuitton said...

chi flat iron, insanity workout, ghd, bottega veneta, valentino shoes, herve leger, asics running shoes, soccer shoes, soccer jerseys, celine handbags, p90x, jimmy choo outlet, uggs, ugg boots clearance, ugg, ugg pas cher, ugg boots, canada goose, canada goose jackets, canada goose outlet, canada goose, canada goose, canada goose uk, moncler, moncler outlet, moncler, moncler, hollister clothing store, air max, baseball bats, iphone 6 cases, timberland boots, moncler, ugg, oakley, louboutin, ralph lauren, hollister, air max, vans, converse, gucci, ray ban, converse shoes, lancel, toms shoes, moncler, canada goose, canada goose, moncler, montre homme

Handbags Louisvuitton said...

karen millen, supra shoes, juicy couture outlet, juicy couture outlet, coach outlet store online, wedding dresses, rolex watches, hollister, louis vuitton, ugg, pandora jewelry, pandora charms, pandora charms, links of london, thomas sabo, swarovski crystal, swarovski, nike shoes, Cheap Jordans,Cheap Jordan Shoes,Cheap Air Max,Cheap Free Run Shoes,nike shoes,nike outlet,nike factory,nike store,nike factory outlet,nike outlet store,cheap nike shoes,nike sneakers, toms outlet, toms outlet,tom shoes,toms shoes outlet,tom shoes,toms wedges,cheap toms,toms.com, air jordan, air jordan,jordan shoes,cheap jordans,air jordans,jordan retro,air jordan shoes,jordans,jordan 11,jordan xx9,jordan 6,new jordans,retro jordans,jordan retro 11,jordan 5,air jordan 11,jordans for sale,jordan 4,jordan 1,jordan future,jordan 3,jordan 12,michael jordan shoes,air jordan retro, cheap jordans, cheap jordans,cheap jordan shoes,cheap jordan,cheap jordans for sale,jordans for cheap,jordan shoes,jordans,air jordan,jordan retro,jordan 11,jordan xx9,jordan 6,new jordans,air jordans,retro jordans,jordan retro 11,jordan 5,air jordan 11,jordans for sale,jordan 4,jordan 1,jordan future,jordan 3,jordan 12,michael jordan shoes,air jordan shoes,air jordan retro, jordan retro, jordan retro,jordan shoes,air jordan,air jordans,retro jordans,air jordan retro,jordans,jordan 11,jordan xx9,jordan 6,new jordans,cheap jordans,jordan retro 11,jordan 5,air jordan 11,jordans for sale,jordan 4,jordan 1,jordan future,jordan 3,jordan 12,michael jordan shoes,air jordan shoes, air max 90, air max 90,nike air max 90,air max 95,air max 2014,air max 2013,air max 1,nike air max,air max,nike air max 2014,airmax,nike air max 2013

Handbags Louisvuitton said...

air max 95, air max 95,nike air max 95,air max 90,nike air max 90,air max 2013,nike air max,air max,air max 2014,nike air max 2014,airmax,nike air max 2013, nike free 5.0, nike free 5.0, nike free trainer 5.0,nike free run 5.0,free running 2,nike free run,nike free,free running,nike running shoes,nike free trainer,free runs,free run 5.0, omega watches, omega watches,omega watch,replica watches,rolex watches,replica omega watches,rolex,watches for men,watches for women,rolex watches for sale,rolex replica,rolex watch,cartier watches,rolex submariner,fake rolex,rolex replica watches,replica rolex, ralph lauren outlet, ralph lauren outlet,ralph lauren outlet online,polo ralph lauren outlet,polo ralph lauren outlet online,polo ralph lauren,ralph lauren,polo ralph,polo shirts,ralphlauren.com,polo outlet,ralph lauren polo, oakley sunglass, oakley sunglasses,cheap oakley,cheap oakley sunglasses,oakley sunglasses cheap,oakley outlet,oakley sunglasses outlet,oakley vault,oakleys,oakley.com,sunglasses outlet,cheap sunglasses,oakley prescription glasses,fake oakleys,oakley glasses,oakley store,fake oakley,oakley sale,cheap oakleys,discount oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, Ray Ban Sunglasses,Ray Ban Outlet,Ray Ban Sale,Cheap Ray Bans,Cheap Ray Ban Sunglasses,ray ban sunglasses outlet,ray ban,rayban,ray bans,ray-ban,raybans,ray ban wayfarer,ray-ban sunglasses,raybans.com,rayban sunglasses,cheap ray ban, burberry, burberry,burberry outlet,burberry outlet online,burberry factory outlet,burberry sale,burberry handbags, chanel bags, chanel bags,chanel handbags,chanel sunglasses,chanel outlet,chanel purses,chanel handbags official site, coach outlet store, coach outlet,coach outlet store,coach outlet store online,coach outlet stores,coach factory outlet,coach factory,coach factory online,coach factory outlet online,coach outlet online, chaussures louboutin, louboutin,louboutin pas cher,christian louboutin,louboutin chaussures,louboutin soldes,chaussure louboutin,chaussures louboutin,chaussure louboutin pas cher,louboutin france

Handbags Louisvuitton said...

sac michael kors, michael kors,sac michael kors,michael kors sac,michael kors pas cher,sac michael kors pas cher,michael kors france, north face outlet, north face outlet,the north face,north face,the north face outlet,north face jackets,north face jackets clearance,northface, yoga pants, yoga pants,lululemon,lululemon outlet,lululemon athletica,lululemon addict,lulu lemon,lulu.com,lululemon.com, beats by dre, beats by dre,beats headphones,beats audio,beats by dr dre,beats by dre headphones,dr dre,dre beats,beats by dr,dr dre beats,dre headphones,beats by dr. dre,cheap beats, ferragamo, ferragamo,salvatore ferragamo,ferragamo shoes,ferragamo outlet,salvatore ferragamo outlet,ferragamo belts,ferragamo belt,ferragamo outlet, nike blazer, nike blazer,blazer nike,nike blazer pas cher,Chaussures Nike Blazer,Nike Blazer Femme, nike air force, nike air force,air force,nike air force 1,nike air force one,air force one nike,air force 1,air force one, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet,michael kors handbags,michael kors uk,michael kors,michael kors,michael kors bags, cheap jerseys, cheap jerseys,nfl jerseys,cheap nfl jerseys,jerseys from china,cheap jerseys from china, cheap nfl jerseys, NFL Jerseys,Nike NFL Jerseys,NBA Jerseys,Soccer Jersey,NHL Jerseys,Baseball Jerseys,Custom Jersey,Youth Jerseys,Women Jerseys,NCAA Jerseys,cheap jerseys,cheap nfl jerseys,basketball jerseys,jerseys,hockey jerseys, jerseys from china, jerseys from china,cheap jerseys from china,nfl jerseys,cheap jerseys,cheap nfl jerseys,jerseys,baseball jerseys,nba jerseys,hockey jerseys,basketball jerseys, burberry uk, burberry, timberland boots uk, timberlands

oakleyses said...

louis vuitton, oakley sunglasses wholesale, longchamp outlet, chanel handbags, replica watches, oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin shoes, ray ban sunglasses, longchamp outlet, louis vuitton outlet, prada outlet, louis vuitton outlet, christian louboutin, nike roshe, sac longchamp pas cher, louis vuitton, jordan pas cher, tiffany and co, christian louboutin outlet, ray ban sunglasses, kate spade outlet, longchamp outlet, uggs on sale, gucci handbags, oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, nike outlet, nike air max, polo outlet, nike free run, louboutin pas cher, tory burch outlet, jordan shoes, air max, michael kors pas cher, tiffany jewelry, louis vuitton outlet, nike free, replica watches, ray ban sunglasses, burberry pas cher, cheap oakley sunglasses, longchamp pas cher, ugg boots, nike air max, polo ralph lauren, polo ralph lauren outlet online, oakley sunglasses

oakleyses said...

uggs outlet, vans pas cher, michael kors outlet online, coach purses, nike tn, abercrombie and fitch uk, burberry handbags, michael kors outlet, coach outlet store online, true religion outlet, uggs outlet, ray ban pas cher, hogan outlet, oakley pas cher, north face, michael kors, burberry outlet, michael kors, hollister uk, michael kors outlet online, true religion jeans, polo lacoste, ralph lauren uk, nike air force, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, sac hermes, michael kors outlet online, nike roshe run uk, converse pas cher, nike free uk, sac vanessa bruno, nike air max uk, michael kors outlet online, lululemon canada, kate spade, guess pas cher, mulberry uk, coach outlet, replica handbags, nike blazer pas cher, true religion outlet, timberland pas cher, nike air max, true religion outlet, hollister pas cher, ray ban uk, north face uk

oakleyses said...

instyler, new balance shoes, mac cosmetics, abercrombie and fitch, soccer shoes, insanity workout, reebok outlet, iphone 5s cases, north face outlet, wedding dresses, jimmy choo outlet, iphone 6 cases, ralph lauren, iphone 6 plus cases, celine handbags, mont blanc pens, giuseppe zanotti outlet, hollister, louboutin, nfl jerseys, hermes belt, oakley, babyliss, lululemon, hollister clothing, ipad cases, iphone 6s plus cases, longchamp uk, iphone cases, timberland boots, soccer jerseys, baseball bats, nike huaraches, mcm handbags, valentino shoes, chi flat iron, ferragamo shoes, bottega veneta, asics running shoes, s6 case, nike trainers uk, beats by dre, p90x workout, nike air max, ghd hair, north face outlet, nike roshe run, iphone 6s cases, vans outlet, herve leger

oakleyses said...

louis vuitton, vans, wedding dresses, pandora jewelry, louis vuitton, ugg uk, louis vuitton, moncler, karen millen uk, canada goose outlet, hollister, gucci, moncler, supra shoes, nike air max, moncler, toms shoes, lancel, ugg, marc jacobs, thomas sabo, barbour, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, louis vuitton, links of london, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, barbour uk, pandora uk, pandora jewelry, montre pas cher, coach outlet, moncler outlet, canada goose outlet, ray ban, louis vuitton, moncler, doudoune moncler, canada goose, swarovski crystal, juicy couture outlet, converse outlet, replica watches, swarovski, moncler uk, ugg pas cher, hollister, canada goose jackets, canada goose uk, canada goose outlet, moncler outlet, canada goose, canada goose

Mie Helal said...




I'm excited to uncover this site
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/insulating-companies-3.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/insulating-companies-2.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/insulating-companies.html

Timothy Brown said...

generic viagra is a great remedy for men to recover their sexual health