Polyamory

My daughter and I are hooked on the HBO series Big Love. It's a show about a polygamist and his three wives. Very cleverly and thoughtfully written and highly entertaining! Something similar exists in the gay world and the term is Polyamory - a Greek word which means "many loves." I'd never heard of it until I began to explore gay culture.

It's not exactly the same thing. Polygamy is a religious, cultural thing and the general consensus seems to be that not all the participants are there by choice. Polyamory is more of a lifestyle choice and consent is necessary. Also, while polyamory may not be exactly smiled upon socially, it isn't illegal ... as long as you don't attempt to marry all of your partners.

My friend Ann took a workshop on Polyamory and explained to me that it starts with a core person who has a primary relationship and then opens it up to an additional lover. What makes it different from cheating is that all parties are fully informed and in agreement and frequently all live together.

I always assumed that it meant that all 3 people in the relationship would be intimate with each other, but that is not always the case. And it's different than a couple who have a 3rd roommate. Evidentally someone has to be having sex with both of the others. Usually it is three people, although my research turned up the fact that there are larger groups of polyamorous people somewhere out there.

I had to ponder why it seems to be more prevalent in the gay world than in the straight world ... possibly because if you have 3 people all being intimate together somebody must be doing something gay? I also have to admire those lucky core 'people collectors' who are able to keep multiple partners happy and interested. I personally can't hold on to even one.

I actually know someone who tried out the polyamory lifestyle. It wasn't for her. Like me, she needs to be number one in her partner's life.